21 THE accuse women widowed by the 9-11 attacks of ~~ being publicity hounds, push for ethnic profiling, and demand that the US bomb and forcibly convert Muslims in the Middle East. She’s a big supporter of Republicans, but they wish she would just go away. 13. Donald Trump- Prior to the Apprentice, it was easy to assume that Trump was a good business man with really bad hair. But seeing him make an idiot of himself with irrelevant comments and an inconsistent approach to business, it turns out he’s just a bad businessman with really, really good luck. 1 2 @ People who use Myspace If there’s one thing that’s pretentious, it’s people who spend time updating their personal website, chatting with onine friends to keep abreast of all the latest trends, and generally acting like they’re superior because they’re in “the know.” 11. People who actively don’t use MySpace- If there’s one thing that’s Pretentious, it’s people who think they’re too intelligent or classy to spend time updating their personal website, chating with online friends to keep abreast of the all latest trends, and generally acting like they’re superior because they don’t have the need to be in “the know.” of the most successful wide receivers in history, but this legacy has been overshadowed by his flamboyant touchdown dances. Some of the best: signing the ball with a marker stored in his sock and then giving it to his ~ financial planner; mocking the pregame ritual of an opposing player; and the birdance. 9. Stephen Harper y 4 Coming into power as the “regular guy,” he soon ignited controversey by | punishing Conservative MPs who said anything he didn’t approve of. He has also talked down to the media and the United Nations, while attempting to keep the details of the battle in Afghanistan out of the public eye. 8 .Tucker Carlson North of the USA, his most famous line is probably this one: “Anybody with an ambition at all, or intelligence, has left Canada and is now living in New York. Canada is a’sweet country. It’s like your retarded cousin you see at Thanksgiving and sort of pat him on the head. You know, he’s nice but you don’t take him seriously.” Hey, don’t talk about our cousin that way! The Keener The Keener is that student who has come to university not to learn, but to help everyone else-- including the professor- learn from them. You can recognize the Keener by their unwillingness to raise a hand before 0 interjecting their thoughts ~ on the lecture and by their ability to take twenty minutes to say nothing at OVER THE EDGE NEWSPAPER. SEPTEMBER 27, 2006 all. Taking on many forms-- male, female, grad student, first year-- you never know when the keener might strike next. Scariest of all is when you realize the keener has possessed your body, forcing you to get into pointless arguments over semantics. Avoid at all costs. 6. Comic Book Guy Having translated the Lord ‘of the Rings into Klingon as part of his thesis for his master’s degree in - folklore and mythology, this Simpsons character would | be the living embodiment of pretentiousness. Except he’s, like, a cartoon. Pretentious quote: “\ must get back to my comic book store where I dispense insults rather than absorb them.” Simon Cowell This American Idol judge frequently criticizes contestants on aspects other than their singing, such as their “look” and wardrobe. As if plain white t-shirts on a droopy middle-aged man week after week is such a fashion statement.. MOST PRETENTIOUS PEOPLE 4. Tom Cruise It’s hard to say whether scientology got so many votes because of Tom, or if Tom got so many votes because of scientology. Perhaps it’s fair to say that like any good symbiotic relationship the two fed off each other, catapulting them both into the upper ranks of ostentatiousness. But then again, other celebrities from John Travolta to Beck are scientologists, but none of them have jumped on Oprah’s couch or brainwashed Katie Holmes. So.maybe it’s just Cruise. Pretentious quote: “You don’t know the history of psychology. I do.” There’s really no need to go into details on this one, so we’ll just give you one. of our favourite Bush- isms, “I think if you know what you believe, it makes it a lot easier to answer questions. I can’t answer your question.”