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Novemser 5, 2003

The Disport of Sport

Sex, drugs and... cheering fans?

By Jessica Johnson

Today’s top headlines: drunk-driving, sexual assault, ille-
gal drugs, disgusting displays of money... No, this isn’t a
good Saturday night in downtown L.A. (well, it could be,
but that’s beyond the scope of this article). ‘This is what we
hear about as soon as we flip on TSN or ESPN these days.
These are the headlines, when what we really want to see are
the Canucks’ highlights.

So what happened to the good old days of just laughing at
Dennis Rodman, while secretly loving his rebounding abili-
ty? What about the days of idolizing Don Zimmer, and the
not-so-ancient days of kids looking up to Kobe Bryant?

Now, Mr. Has-Been Rodman has recently made the news
again, but because he drunkenly crashed his car into a tele-
phone pole, Don Zimmer seems to have a knack for losing
his temper, attacking young baseball players, and after-
wards bawling about it, and of course everyone knows the
story of the Caught-Red-Handed Kobe Bryant. We won't
even mention the name OJ. Simpson.

Remember the day when Derek Jeter and the Yankees
were actually revered by fans everywhere? -Okay, maybe
they still are a bit, in light of their recent defeat, but trust me,
many people are just sick and tired of their ridiculously
large payroll.

And what about Jeter himself? It’s hard to take a team
seriously when one of their star players is succumbing to a
new species of man, one that mocks the whole concept of
“masculinity” and is currently overtaking the sports world.
The labeling of “metrosexual” fits well here. For those of you
who don’t know what that is, read more ESPN.com: Page 2,
where an article recently appeared exploring this: phenome-
non among today’s generation of feminized men, and has
the term popping up everywhere, including primetime TV.
In short, a metrosexual is a straight, modern man who loves
nothing more than himself and his urban lifestyle. You
know, the guy who tans, goes to the gym religiously, likes
shopping and knows more about skin care products than the
average woman does. It’s basically taking the idea of the
“pretty-boy” three steps further.

These are the things I’m talking about: the disappearance
of our manly men who play our good old-fashioned, well-
loved, clean sports. Now it’s all intermingled with sex, —
drugs and... well, more drugs. And to top it all off, there are
actually women doing the reporting on these things.

Perhaps we should take a sudden sidebar from the topic
of our fleeting sports days and address the issue of female
sports reporters and their credibility.

Some of you may have guessed from my rant on metro-
sexuality that this very article was indeed written by a
woman. You're right. Keep listening! I will admit that some-
times I even feel ridicule and scorn towards a woman in
heels, on the football field discussing touchdowns and tight

ends and as for me, there is a lot of sports knowledge that .

totally escapes me, as I really don’t know a whole lot about
anything before the nineties. But I don’t wear heels. I do

_know who Wilt Chamberlain and Gordie Howe were, and I

understand and sympathize with Boston’s curse. 1 know
what team morphed from the beloved Quebec Nordiques, I
believe basketball will never be as great as when Michael
Jordan reigned over it, and I can name the original six teams

of hockey. All of that has to:count for something.

Suffice it to say that times have definitely changed. Let’s
talk about today’s degraded sports again.

Recall a certain someone having a sudden hunger pain in
the middle of a boxing match and biting off part of his oppo-
nent’s ear. This kind of shocking display of unbridled testos-
terone has become all too common (the testosterone, not the
biting...).

But don’t get me wrong, I love a good fight during the
hockey game, especially if it’s Bertuzzi pummeling some-
one, or of course, if it involves a field crowded with Red Sox
and Yankees, but there is a threshold here, people. Watch
your step.

The current disgrace to the NBA comes in the shape of
Kobe Bryant and his lack of a zipper. The issue here, of
course, is not sexual assault but his overindulgence in get-
ting whatever he wants, whenever he wants. What’s with
these guys and no self-control? And would we hear about it
if it wasn’t Mr. Bryant? I think not. So why do we have to if
it is?

Let’s hope it wasn’t actually assault. The basketball league
frowns upon violence. Michigan’s guard, Jason Richardson
is facing a three game suspension after being convicted of
domestic violence over.the summer. Three games. What a
punishment. What a joke. I’m sure he'll never do it again.

After the sexual indiscretions, or maybe during, come the
drugs. This may be partly to blame for the super-inflated
egos of many big-shot athletes, because; yes, steroids do pro-

dice huge, muscle-ripped people with short tempers.
Apparently, they also make it hard to remember that they
are illegal.

The latest drug scandal to hit the news is the presence of
tetrahydrogestrinone (THG), a previously undetectable
steroid. It has recently been discovered ina track and field
athlete and as a result, many other competitors are to be re-
tested. As those athletes who test positive face the possibili-
ty of a two-year ban on competition, this could prove to be a
catastrophe to next year’s summer Olympics in Athens.
Hasn’t snowboarder Rob Rebagliati taught anyone any-
thing?

So what happened to all the good guys, the role-models
for young, aspiring athletes? Why, they are being pushed
under the rug it seems. Take the one and only Cujo, Curtis
Joseph, for example. This extremely talented goalie recently
left our beloved Maple Leafs to play for Detroit when he
became a free agent in the summer of 2002 and after
Dominik Hasek took an “early retirement.” But suddenly,

the poor, deprived Hasek decided leisure wasn’t the life for

him and came back to the Red Wings. But what of Cujo? He
got shipped out to the farm team to play with people who
are not yet good enough for the NHL. How is that fair? But,
being one of the “good guys” at least Joseph has a good atti-
tude about it. Anyway, it’s one more reason to loathe the Red
Wings.

How do we get passed this overwhelming intrusion of
non-sport during our 11:00 Sports Centre then? It’s hard to
imagine an end in sight. This is what the kids will see, and
as the kids will do. It follows in line, I suppose, with the
overall corruption of society, as nothing will ever be as pure
as it once was.

Maybe I should be blaming the media, as they often are
the cause of sharing negative stories, for constantly harass-
ing us with their version of the daily sports updates, stealth-
ily slipping in a little of the latest gossip, or newspaper
reporters for writing whole columns about it. If they avoid-
ed it, there would be no problem. But actually, then I’d have
to finda whole new career, so let’s keep blaming the players
for not being the wholesome guys they once were, and pray
that we never get out-populated by those metrosexuals.