Coke is Stolen!
Battle of the

Aries:
‘Welcome to the jungle my furry friend. Prepare for fetishes, farts, and problems
in general. Squirrels will figure prominently in-your anus.

Pieces:
Kiss the world, with: tongue.

and by fondue, [mean flesh.

‘Capricorn:
Some crazy Aries is going to go after you claiming to be your ‘sexy lemur
friend’. Punch them in the nuts. If they don’t have nuts, punch them in the face.

Gemini:

mount you from behind.

Tibe:
Hey, guess what? That ching 1 that you thought? The thing is roy going to do
it’s thing. To mae oe Which is:a bad thing,

Sagittarius:

do, and those who don’t.

Virgo:
Your talent and beauty is incredible. You’re fabulous. And great. And stuff.
You're wicked awesome, Ha ha ha. Just kidding. You suck.

Scorpio:

Cancer:

Breast, prostate, colon, bone. marrow, testicular, ovarian, brain, lung,. skin,
mouth... boy } you sure do get around.
Taurus:

| The bathroom tiles in your.. bathroom were. actually make by: a Brazillian
‘cocaine smuggler. If you crush them, and snort the remains, you'll cither get
high or dead! :

Leo:
And then she said.., “
cheeze whiz.”

Disclaimer: If you Believe these horoscope you need a safety helmet

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By Josh Hammerstedt
Photography by Dana Schwehr

“Apart from a
couple of |-hate-
playing-in-time
solos, they stole
the judges
scores...and their
hearts. Lassie
would be proud.”

The sixth annual UNBC Battle of the
Bands rocked the -Wintergarden
Thursday, and resulted in another win-
ner: Stolen Goke:

Vanderhoof’s Stolen Coke stole the

“show from rival bands Media, Section 8,

and Adero, Elan Vitale, the opening
band, decided on a tactical withdrawl,
not appearing for their performance at
all.

This was the debut performance for
Media, whose Linkin Park-esque style
improved over the course of the night,
as they began to lighten up to the crowd.
Tt wasn’t enough, however; despite their
attempts to play up the crowd, and
despite their bravery in spite of being
thrust into the first spot (way to go, Elan
Vitale!), Media could not win the day.

Aquarius: Your hills are alive, and filled with fondue. By! hills, I mean boobs,
This is-a dirty word. Dirty. ‘Dirty. Dirty: and doubled up: Observe ‘me whilst I

In this world, there are two different kinds of people. Those who know how hey

um like;-F really, like to uh... you know, brush:my teeth with
And:they you realized youwere talking to a moron.

14

JANUARY 14, 2004

Bands ends in tragedy

Section 8, a local group, were a com-
petent, technically proficient band.
They could certainly play their instru-
ments, and had a decent stage presence
as well. They were obviously well prac-
tised, and put on quite the set. On the
other hand, their particular brand of
some heavy stuff and loud things wasn’t
enough to launch them into first place.

Adero was...it was...shit. I have no
idea what Adero was. To be quite hon-
est, it was often hard to tell whether or
not they were any good at playing their
instruments, because they played so
loud that everything came out sounding
like that time I was on the highway and
this Mack truck was suddenly bearing
down in my _ general direction.
Seriously, Adero was so loud it was
almost ridiculous. The crowd loved
them, though, and chants of “Adero!
Adero!” rocked through the multiplex
for all of twenty seconds after their act.

Finally, we get to stolen Coke, These
guys were infamous around campus for
their performatice at another battle of
the bands earlier this year, but they have

obviously @arned- thestitle of “Mest

Improved”, Their stage presence was
strong, and they were really together as
a band. Apart from a couple of T-hate-
playing-in-time solos, they stole the
judges scores...and their hearts. Lassie
would be proud of these, the best of the
batch, the winners of the day, the kings
of the Battle of the Bands.

Stolen Coke will be opening for the
Tenth Annual Backyard BBQ in
September. :

ly late until y
write ads like t
you should j join over
the edge. eee